Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
