Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
