You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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