It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have started to decorate penises.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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