Me too!
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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