I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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