Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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