My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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