just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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