how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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