At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
