talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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