I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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