At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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