don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
