i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
