I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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