Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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