Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
