grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
just tell him i said nine months
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
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