why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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