After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
wow bdsm is so cute
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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