There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize