I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
