She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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