Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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