Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
