I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
