if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
