if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."