im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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