I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
