dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
