you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
