Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
