I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
