Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
why didn't you poke me back
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
