so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
