I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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