I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
