I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
