why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
there was a trapeze. enough said
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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