She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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