And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
