The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
