So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize