yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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