Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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