Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
you didnt know i had herpes?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
