I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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