i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
