she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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