Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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