I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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