Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
