I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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