is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Dignity is for republicans.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
