There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
