is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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