she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
