Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
