i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
