after a month anything with tits is on the radar
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
