I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
