so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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