is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
