Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
