Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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