I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
