If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
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I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
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vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
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