so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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